Step 1: Make Marriage Your Job
Surprisingly, men who can masterfully deal with conflict at work say they just do not know how to handle marital problems, and they tune out and give up. Why not start thinking about your marriage the same way you think of your job. It’s easier than you think. You will feel more adept at managing marital problems if you use your work skills: long-range planning, active listening, and considering all options before action. And, just like your job, your marriage has many rewards: from personal fulfillment, to a longer, healthier and more financially secure future, to a better sex life. (Yes, studies show that the average married man has more satisfying sex than his unmarried peers.)
Step 2: Know Your Wife
If something works for me, it must work for my wife, right? Wrong. It is likely that your wife and you see practically everything differently. Here is where your job skills come in handy. To understand the way to your wife’s heart, you must first learn what makes her tick. A bouquet of flowers may not mean much to you, so it may seem like a colossal waste of money to send them. But that is not the way your wife sees it. To you, working late might be your way of saying: “I love you and will take care of you.” To her, it might mean you do not care about the relationship. If you learn how she views the world, and learn to see things through her eyes, you will understand what actions you must take to affect her in a positive way.
Step 3: Be Home For Her
Most marriages that dissolve begin to unravel in the very first year. Do not underestimate the importance of spending time at home with your wife. Time together is proof that you care. You may have thought the wedding ring was enough evidence of your commitment. But for her, the vows are only a start; she wants you to prove your love for her every day. To do this, you must give up your bachelor identity. You may want to ‘hang-out’ with the boys on Saturdays and Sundays or regularly attend happy hour; If that is what you choose to do, do not be surprised if you arrive home to find a fuming wife.
Step 4: Expect Conflict and Learn to Deal with It
Most people assume that if there is conflict in a marriage, there must be something wrong. The reality is, conflict is part of marriage. If we always agreed with our spouses on everything, imagine how boring life would be. Disagreements happen even in the best of marriages. There are good ways to fight and bad ways to fight. Those who maintain relationships learn to go into the argument slowly; they avoid accusations such as: “How dare you say that?” and instead share their own experience: “I was really upset when you made that comment.” Don’t panic when you clash. It’s OK to disagree. But the wife MUST be respectful to her husband and things will end well at all times.
Step 5: Learn to Listen To Her
Men, you have to learn the basics. When she wants to talk, sit quietly without distractions. When she talks, take a few moments and reflect back on what she has said. I realize you know exactly what she is saying or trying to say within the first five seconds, but it does not matter; Let your wife talk, and let her know you are listening. Before offering suggestions to the problems or her concerns, ask her whether she wants advice or whether she just wants you to listen. You would be surprised how appreciative she will be that you are just a good ear.
Step 6: Aim to Please Her
Funny, isn’t it, that most people treat strangers better than they do their loved ones. You know that if you treat someone well, they will think more highly of you and treat you better in return. Now apply that principle to your wife. Do something sweet or thoughtful for her; it shows that you have her on your mind constantly.
Try to determine what she needs, and ask yourself: Is there some way I can make this happen for her? Being a happily married husband means regularly and consistently demonstrating your love for your wife.
Step 7: Learn the Truth about Sex
Are you the kind of guy your wife would want to know? If you derailing in any area of your relationship, clean up your act before you ask to have your needs met. Help your wife learn who you are, what makes you tick, and how she can make you happy. Lovingly help her to see the world through your eyes. You won’t end up convincing her you’re right, but you can help her to learn from you and grow with you.
Men are usually quite unaware of how much women need to be loved. When they are not loved the way they want, they feel insecure and lose their sense of self. That is why it is so vital for you to take special care of your partner’s need for love.